A couple of days I came across a picture of me wearing this summer orange casual dress, and a bunch of ponytails, that was my style at that time in school lol, I was 14 years old at this time. Looking at this photograph tossed me in a muddy puddle of sadness, hurt and anger that made me break down for a while until I was able to compose myself while remembering that experiences like that made me stronger and I needed to accept and let that hurt pass through. As I was going through my pictures and many memories, I finally got the courage to let this secret abusive childhood be heard by the rest, many that know me, think I have had a very privileged life, little do they know of the amazons I have crossed mentally to be here. Enough hiding my childhood trauma from the world due to fear of hurting those that hurt me or making them mad for sharing how they hurt me.

This picture was an example of how hated and unloved I really was and as growing up.

This day my aunt, her husband, son, and daughter took their sweet time getting all dressed up in somewhat of the same attire with  similar colors, I had a very casual summer orange dress, not matching with them whatsoever. I was excited since we were all heading out to the mall that day  as a family,  as we were walking around window shopping my aunt walked next to me to let me know that we were there to take family photos, but that I wasn’t going to be a part of the “family” photo session. I was going to be taking a Solo photo session instead. I sat in the background as they did their  family photo session wondering why I felt so sad, why was I even mad If I already knew that I didn’t have a family of my own, I mean geez I was in my early teens, have I not learned that by now?  And maybe she didn't think that far? She probably thought I would be happier doing that, since all my friends were doing it at school. But me... It hurt me, because every time I would go into a family, I would immediately think I was a part of them, but I thought different. I am 34 years old now and none of them are here with me now, so why did that matter?

 My thirst, war, and energy to care less about those that will hate me even more after this has just begun, I dare you to say something! 

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